If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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