she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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