Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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