Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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