we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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