Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
