So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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