my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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