Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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