We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
