I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
