A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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