Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
