Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
