Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm too high and old for this...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
