I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
