i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
