Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
