I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
