big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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