You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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