i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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