so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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