is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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