if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
