He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
