i just google imaged poop.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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