It's Friday. Sex?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
