I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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