Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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