i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.