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I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
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