Texts From Last Night

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  (712): View more from Iowa

  The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.

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  (712): The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place. http://tfl.nu/0x49
  Replies (39) Good night (920) Bad night (6934)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (290) Good night (63177) Bad night (4770)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.

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  (850): You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line. http://tfl.nu/m4ec
  Replies (16) Good night (1295) Bad night (4615)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.

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  (979): We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it. http://tfl.nu/1cxu
  Replies (26) Good night (7645) Bad night (1314)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.

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  (604): She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows. http://tfl.nu/2hzy
  Replies (8) Good night (1198) Bad night (4041)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.

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  (319): Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100. http://tfl.nu/5iyq
  Replies (12) Good night (2522) Bad night (1373)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.

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  (859): we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off. http://tfl.nu/uye4
  Replies (5) Good night (2275) Bad night (925)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...

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  (570): Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings... http://tfl.nu/2ar0
  Replies (6) Good night (977) Bad night (2147)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people

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  (850): the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people http://tfl.nu/zcj8
  Replies (3) Good night (1644) Bad night (821)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.

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  (309): Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment. (1-309): I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college. http://tfl.nu/zbsh
  Replies (7) Good night (1262) Bad night (610)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore

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  (614): You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore http://tfl.nu/weu9
  Replies (3) Good night (839) Bad night (344)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives

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  (508): Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives http://tfl.nu/526e
  Replies (5) Good night (342) Bad night (923)
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  (518): View more from New York

  If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.

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  (518): If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon. http://tfl.nu/vgjv
  Replies (3) Good night (378) Bad night (738)
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  (510): View more from California

  A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out

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  (510): A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out http://tfl.nu/sxee
  Replies (3) Good night (1662) Bad night (371)
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  (+33): View more from France

  I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.

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  (+33): I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to. http://tfl.nu/izf5
  Replies (2) Good night (518) Bad night (371)

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