I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????