Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.