we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat