I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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