I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.