I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already