We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
