Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
