My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
