It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize