God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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