After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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