wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The power of my boobs compel you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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