SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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