Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
