I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
