If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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