Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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