You're completely useless in the revolution.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
