maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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