We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
