Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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