so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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