omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize