Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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