i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We left the knife in your bed.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
