worst night to have a conscience
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
