Umm I'm too high to move.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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