With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
