I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
