How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
