I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
