Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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