going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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