Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
