I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
