roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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