Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
