Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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