so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
