I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So. Much. Porn.
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