its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
soo... how was my night?
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