my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
