i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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