i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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